“How did you do that?” I asked my therapist. How was she able to show me a different perspective, one that was filled with compassion and understanding while my point of view was filled with judgment and scorn?
“I made a decision a long time ago. I wouldn’t keep holding on to the negativity I grew up with. I made a conscious decision to let it go. I made a commitment to myself to stay curious and I’ve been recommitting to it ever since.”
There was something very honest and real about her words that I have never heard before. She shared a piece of herself with me and I was grateful for that. So grateful, I took those words to heart. I wondered whether I’ve been intentionally holding onto negativity. I wondered what kind of commitment I would make to myself and what that would mean. I took it seriously because a commitment meant I was worth the hard work, energy and perseverance that every person deserves. Me, worthy of living a fruitful life? If I made a commitment, I would have to say yes, I am worthy even if I rarely feel that way.
It was hard to swallow but I knew I wanted to commit myself to something. For the past several months, I’ve been struggling to stay afloat for various reasons. It was frustrating. I was drained. I talked to my psychiatrist about what it would take for me to go back to the hospital. I knew the warning signs of what I thought would be inevitable. Instead of the inevitable, a conversation with my therapist made me realize I could change course; a commitment would be just the thing I needed to direct me there.
Sometimes we need to do something bigger than ourselves in order to recommit to our own lives; to jumpstart that journey back to who you truly are instead of who you constantly think you’re supposed to be. Today I commit, in a very simple way, to running a half marathon in May because my life depends on it. I know how important exercise is not only for my body but for my mind too and running will help me with that. But I realize I can’t do it for myself just yet. I can’t just live for the sake of living. My life has to mean something; it needs to have context in order for me to feel like I belong in this world. And so I’ve decided to also commit to raising funds for BPD research through the Brain & Behavior Research Foundation. I want to raise funds because so many lives depend on it. I’ve realized I can’t just live for myself. We are links in a chain and in order for us to become who we are, we need raise others up.
Lastly I commit to galvanizing a community together because we can no longer play small. We are leaders to each other and we need to work together in order to move this great cause forward.
I can no longer play small.
I can no longer live without intention.
I can no longer say that I don’t matter.
Because if I don’t matter, then anyone and everyone else who is struggling the same way that I do is allowed to say the same thing. And to me that’s unacceptable. We are all here together to lift each other up. That is my commitment. To lift you up. To lift us up. Join me. Recommit to your life. Let go of the negativity. We can do this together.
- Run with us May 21 at the Brooklyn Half Marathon.
- Cheer us on at the finish line.
- Spread the word about what we are trying to accomplish.
- Share your story and be interviewed by me through Skype.
- Donate to the Brain and Behavior Research Foundation.
For more information email me at email@example.com