amanda@rethinkbpd.com

Allowing Myself to be Seen

Allowing Myself to be Seen

Instead of looking away, I let my gaze stay there with hers. No one said a word. It was scary ground to walk on but I felt brave that day. Brave because I was so afraid she would see something inside of me. Something that would prove I shouldn’t exist. For behind my eyes, all those walls I’ve been putting up and hiding behind no longer existed. It’s just me there — a window into what I’ve experienced in suffering, fear, and confusion. In those few moments, her eyes saw that, as if a glaring spotlight shown upon my wounds.

And she wasn’t scared of it. Instead, those eyes met mine and I no longer was alone.  As we lingered there, she, peering into who I was, told me there was nothing to be ashamed of. It was okay to be where I was… to not know… to long for something else… to be afraid. It was okay to be human. To be me.

I don’t think I’ve ever looked into someone’s eyes as deeply as that moment in time. In that experience I learned something about myself and about my relationship with other people. It’s okay to let people in. When you’ve built up some trust and have a deep history together, genuine connection, understanding and insight can happen. Sometimes all it takes is a glance that says, I see you. I’m in this with you. We’re in this together.

 

 

6 Comment(s)
  • Rosalind Posted December 1, 2015 3:45 pm

    Beautiful.

    Hello Amanda, many congratulations to you all. Well done!

    This post has brought tears to my eyes.

    So beautiful xxxx

  • Lin Posted December 1, 2015 6:43 pm

    Big Hugs and Kisses Amanda. Love you.

  • Gabe Posted January 27, 2016 10:14 am

    I cried a little after reading.Thank you, Amanda for helping me and others as well.

    • Amanda Wang Posted January 27, 2016 10:20 am

      Thank you Gabe. I’m so glad my words resonated with you. I’ll never forget that experience. All the best.

  • Sheila Taheri Posted September 25, 2016 10:39 am

    I am a 41 year old single female with a beautiful lab (my only child:) I was just diagnosed with BPD (already been working through severe PTSD and more, unfortunately). Thank you for your words – as a newly opened mind to personally having BPD for years, already, your words are beautiful and help a great deal!! Cheers:)

  • Kelsey Himes Posted October 21, 2016 7:01 pm

    Hello, I just want to say thank you for sharing this. I have always been terrified to let people in and get to know “the real me,” especially since being diagnosed with BPD last year. But I recently opened up about ALL of my struggles with the person I look to the most and it was like a weight off my shoulders. She’s the first person who has known every part of me, good and bad, and still said “I’m here for you.” This post from you….it’s like I could have written it. Thank you!!!!

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