While I was gingerly jogging my 8th mile, I’m thinking to myself, why am I putting myself through this? I’m the heaviest I’ve ever been. My muscles are letting me know I’m no longer young. I’m in pain. And then I remember that this pain will pass as soon as I stop running. My mind is telling me to just walk the rest. Stop running, my mind tells me. But I keep running.
I know there are other pains that are more difficult to alleviate. Suffering from a mental illness is hard to describe to those who’ve never experienced it. But I try and open myself up. I try to give others hope. I try and finish my 9th mile because I’ve been given a second — no third or fourth — chance at this life. This is why I run. Because I remember what it’s like not to be able to do anything but breathe. And even then, breathing was hard. Now don’t get me wrong — my life isn’t perfect — but I can run. I can do things. I can be there for other people. I can bring awareness to a long time misunderstood diagnosis. I can keep going and not become another statistic.
I can celebrate borderline personality disorder awareness month (May) because there are so many others out there, just like me, wanting to live a life worth living. In the next few days you’ll hear from me again. Join me in this effort to raise funds for BPD research through the Brain & Behavior Research Foundation. It’s why I run.
Don’t stop. Keep on going.
Please support my efforts here: http://bit.ly/rethinkbpd